Hello Friends, Readers, and New Visitors,
Just want to say I hope you are enjoying your long Thanksgiving Weekend with many blessings, good food, and with family and friends. Here is a little something I wrote and packed full of much wisdom! Happy Thanksgiving Weekend XO . . .
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” ~Marilyn Monroe
Everyone is insecure to some degree, although most insecurities don’t cause extreme discomfort. Our insecurities can involve fears that we won’t measure up in certain areas of our life, fears that we don’t belong, we lack certain abilities, status, or education, and it seems like everything we do is a mess. So we cover up our personal insecurity the best we can and end up living a fairly normal life…at least what’s termed ‘normal’ by all those folks who don’t appear insecure.
But there are those who suffer through life with a damaged sense of self, feeling incapable, unimportant, and unacceptable. Their fears branch out to all areas of their life and impair their ability to function in rewarding ways. They can become isolated, avoiding social contacts, taking jobs that don’t require interaction with others, and missing out on their full life potential. Insecurity can also manifest as arrogance, jealousy, bigotry, etc. And as a means of escape, some may even turn to alcohol or drugs.
So what causes someone to feel insecure and fearful in particular situations? We’re all born with certain traits, and some children are more vulnerable than others. Insecurity is unique to each person, so we manifest our insecurity in different ways and degrees. And we develop an inner voice at an early age that conveys positive and negative messages to us throughout life.
If our inner child hears things like, “You’re a loser, ugly, can’t do anything right, why are you so stupid, etc, we believe what we hear and form critical messages that produce insecurity. Other contributing factors are rejection, a need to be perfect, forms of abandonment, bullying, etc. Then when we goof up as adults, that critical inner voice says, “See? I told you so.”
“Tell that negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” ~Ann Bradford
We try to deal with our fears and get on with life. But situations we run into trigger our insecurity. We can feel fine until we encounter such things as loss of a job, lack of money, personal mistakes, speaking in front of others, social situations, even being late for appointments…anything that arouses our critical voice. “It’s your fault; you should have known better; they’ll think you’re stupid; you’re just not competent, etc.” Then those scared feelings take over, and we believe those things about our self.
“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Whenever my church Minister went out of town, I used to present the lesson (sermon), and I pushed through with heart pounding and knees shaking. Then I devised a new approach. I began by telling the whole congregation I was very nervous but would do the best I could. Wow. I cleared the air, and they were understanding. Now I didn’t have to stumble over words, lose my thoughts, pause and regroup, and appear incompetent. Now I relaxed and enjoyed the experience.
I may feel insecure about one thing, while you might feel insecure about something else. We’re all different. And once you understand your own feelings and reasons behind them, you can work on confronting the issues. If you feel a sense of insecurity that holds you back, the first step toward healing is to figure out the root of those feelings. You can do that with questions and searching for insight. Why do I feel insecure when___? What do I feel insecure about? I feel insecure because___. Ask questions you feel would help you, and ponder over any answers you get.
“Don’t let your insecurities ruin the beauty you were born with.” Unknown
Whether or not you get the answers you need, practice doing what you’re afraid to do, and use denials and affirmations. I deny that childhood experience has any power over me. Because in truth, I affirm I was born whole and wonderful (any words you want), and that’s who and what I am. Take a deep breath and say, “That was a long time ago. Things are different now.” And make them different. You may or may not totally heal your insecure feelings, but you can reduce their hold over you. And you can be more of who you really are.
I wish you freedom to be your wonderful self.
Marilyn Fowler, Author/Writer
(My Books Are on Amazon – Just Click Them)