How To Let Anger Work For You. Part 2, Taming The Tiger…


“Anger is a great force. If you control it, it can be transmuted into power, which can move the whole world.   ~William Shenstone

As you go through life, whatever you encounter demands some kind of response. And the way you perceive and interpret external and internal situations dictates what each response will be. Most of your responses are automatically just daily routine. But when a situation produces a strong emotion like fear, frustration, loss, insecurity, or hurt, anger may follow. And you let the tiger run loose on someone or something. Deep down you know it doesn’t solve anything, except maybe give you a false sense of satisfaction and power. But you still go there. Perhaps you’ve actually given it power over you.

During my years of angry outbursts, when I threw a chair through my backdoor screen, or slung spaghetti against my kitchen wall, or all my other angry episodes, I believed that lashing out would stop my pain. But it left me exhausted, and I still hurt inside. Then I learned there’s another side to this phenomenon. Anger can be useful if you use it as a tool for positive change rather than a remedy that doesn’t work. Yes, it needs to be controlled, but it can help you grow and find more peace in your life.

Anger is pure energy, and you can work with it to your advantage. If you see anger as a teacher, you can use it as a catalyst to help you understand your fears and correct your faulty beliefs and perceptions, the real causes of your anger. The better you understand yourself, the better you’re able to deal with life situations.

“Anger is a warning signal. It points to problems.”  ~Melody Beattie 

Anger doesn’t stand alone. Anger is a symptom, and its presence is always a clue that something inside needs your attention, some emotional pain crying out for help that you need to work through. So when you feel anger building, pay attention, and change your focus to resolve issues and find some peace that you may have missed without this intervention. It can teach you to look inside and begin your search for answers through inner and outer work. As you do the work and changes take place within, your anger will gradually diminish, even disappear.

Inner Work 
1. Begin your search within for answers.

Write
 letters to yourself with questions: What am I afraid of? What in me feels threatened? 
What in me needs changing? What situations make me angry?
Recall times when you were angry and, without judgment, analyze what you were feeling then…fear, panic, anxiety, sadness? Be clear about what you remember. 
Write down whatever answers you discover.

2. Clearing painful feelings.

Confront each answer with solutions for positive change, and work on ways to create the changes you want. Emphasize peace, strength, power, etc. You might address your painful feelings to release them like, “Now I release you with love.” Or use affirmations, “I let go of the pain. I am free.” If this process seems difficult, take some breaths and repeat. It gets easier.

3. Forgive others who may have hurt you.
And forgive yourself for not being perfect.

Outer Work
1. Stopping anger.
When anger appears, listen to what it’s telling you. Then quickly stomp your foot to get rid of it with a keyword that has strong meaning for you like, No, Stop, Whoa, etc. Repeat several times until it weakens and maybe stops.

2. If anger remains, repeat step 1 again and refocus on affirming statements.
“I have a right to be in control of my actions, I take back my power,”
 etc. Use whatever stops the angry feeling before it becomes full blown. Now you’re on your way to taming the tiger. Work with it until it gives up.

Anger may totally disappear, but if it still pops up once in a while, use your outer work and release it by doing something active. I do my best house cleaning when I’m angry. Ride a bike, run around the block, clean the car. Once you learn to identify and better deal with inner problems, anger won’t visit you as often. Just be happy.

I wish you peaceful days ahead to be your special self.

Marilyn Fowler, Author “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country available now on Amazon online.

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