The Sea Of Life. Are You The Ocean?

Dear Readers, I live near the ocean, and sometimes when I look at that vast body of water, I think of the multitude of water droplets it takes to create the oceans, and I think of all the people it takes to create our world. We are the world. But it seems we’ve lost our sense of who we are in the great sea of humankind. I remember when we created our world together, each a part of that creation. But today we live with an ‘us and them’mentality, and we deny our belonging to each other. I feel sad. Today I want to share an article I posted a few years ago on this subject.

The Sea Of Life

Yesterday I spent the day at a hospital with a friend who had surgery. I’ve been in many hospitals in the past, but this experience made what I already knew more real to me. Each of us is unique, traveling our own individual journey through life, but at the same time part of the great whole that makes us the human race. It’s kind of like each unique drop of water being part of the whole body we call the ocean. And the ocean is not the ocean without each drop.

“Individually, we are one drop. But together we are an ocean.” ~Rhunosuke Satoro

While my friend was in surgery, I wandered up and down the halls. I’ve always been a people-watcher, but yesterday I was more keenly aware of everyone and everything I came across. I saw people in wheelchairs or walking with canes while others walked straight and tall. I saw a nurse consoling a woman who was crying, and I noticed a beautiful little boy grinning at me. I saw people in pain and heard their moans, while medical personnel saw to their needs. Contracts everywhere. Yet, in their humanness, they were all a part of each other.

Later I went outside of the building and found a concrete ledge where I sat down. I took off my shoes and rested my bare feet on mother earth, while little ants scampered around as if they knew where they were going. The sun was warm, but there was a cool breeze under the big oak tree where I sat watching a black crow scrounging for his lunch in the dirt nearby. Once in a while, someone sat next to me. Some were happy. Some were not. But each had a story to tell–a unique story, yet part of all the stories that portray who we are.

“Life is like the ocean. It can be calm or still, and rough and rigid, but in the end, it is always beautiful.”   ~Unknown

As the day moved on, the hospital became a microcosm of the bigger world, and I became more increasingly aware of life and our connection with each other. We each know sadness and joy, pain and bliss, feast and famine, love and hate, lack and plenty, illness and health–everything in the human experience. And we’re never alone in any of it. While we’re going through something, another person somewhere else is going through the same thing in their own unique way. How sad we don’t claim the ocean in which we swim. It’s really quite a beautiful ocean in spite of the differences we believe separate us.

I’m grateful for this hospital experience. It reminded me we’re much more than what we see in the mirror. In essence, Mother Teresa says, “We know that what we are doing is only a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something.” You serve an important part in the sea of life, and your unique presence helps maintain the sea in which you live. Love yourself, and pour your love out to others. And claim the beautiful ocean in which you swim. It is your home.

I wish you much happiness on your journey. 

Marilyn Fowler, Writer/Author of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

An image posted by the author.

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Part Two – Are You Living Images And Roles You Were Given As A Child? Where Is Your True Self?

Your essence is within you. You are already enough.”  ~Debbie Spellman

For the most part, each day we automatically live our life without thinking past our usual activities. But we’re complex beings, and our role, image, and personality are so ingrained from childhood, we don’t usually question our identity. Personality becomes our ‘I am’ and, for many, that satisfies a need to know. But it doesn’t even touch the great dimensions of all that you are. Self-knowledge is one of our greatest tools to discover and uncover our true self and use this self for good. The more you know about yourself, the better you’re able to choose what to keep and what to release to promote what you want your life to be.

We express from personality and from our true self, and the two are quite different. Personality is changeable and can have different opinions about itself. One day you’re a very bright person, and the next day you’re pretty stupid. Or decisions you make via personality can backfire and reveal parts of you that you’d rather not have. But there’s nothing wrong with expressing from personality. You can learn a lot about yourself from this source of expression.

People apply different meanings to the true self, such as authentic, true nature, deeper or higher self, the core of your being, soul, etc. But it is considered the real you, as you were created. And the essence of you cannot be something different. You are you, and you will always be you.

Somewhere tucked away inside each of us is a memory, memory of the self that existed during childhood before we fully assumed a role, an image, a personality. And part of us longs to recapture that time of innocence when we knew our true self well. With purposeful steps toward change, we can dim some of the personality’s hold on us, and know more of our true self.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”  ~E. E. Cummings

Intentions are one of our most powerful tools for change. And when it stems from the good in your heart, it will bring good into your life. Use intention with desire, willingness, commitment, and faith to change. Reinforce these qualities each day, and with your deep feelings to move forward, your courage will be there. No need to hurry. Change comes gradually over time.

Once you establish your decision for change, you need to begin listening. How often do you listen to how your personality thinks and notice what it does? What do you feel is positive and negative about it? What does it tell you about yourself, and do you agree with it? We’re taught to believe that personality is who we are. But do you ever sense that you’re more than this belief? Pay attention, and learn to recognize this part of you.

“Intuition is the voice of the soul. The more you listen, the more you know your true self.”   ~James Van Praagh

Clarify your meaning of true self, who and what you are within, and listen to it speak to you. Our true self-speaks to us often, but with our busy minds, we miss a lot of its messages. It’s uplifting, and will always guide us with love and wisdom. But we have to hear it. Seek ways to communicate with and express your true self. Play like a child, show kindness to others, claim your own worth.

The goal of this change is not to erase personality, but to release the traits you don’t want, and allow it to compliment your true self as the two can work together for your good. As days pass and you increase your knowledge and understanding, you’ll learn to tell if something is coming from personality or your true self. And you will gradually learn to decrease more of personality and increase more of your true self.

This is a vast subject, and mounds of material have been written in detail about who you are, and how to discover and nurture more of you. You’re on a journey of self-discovery. Read, research, express gratitude, and be your beautiful self.

I wish you joy as you blossom into more of who you really are.

Marilyn Fowler, Writer/Author of   “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

An image posted by the author.

Are You Living Images And Roles You Were Given As A Child? Where Is Your True Self? Part 1

When children come into the world, they come in with unique characteristics and talents. And the fortunate ones have parents, teachers, caregivers, who nurture and encourage them to express these gifts in their life. As they mature, they experience many of the same rules and restrictions the world requires, but with direction and guidance, they retain much of their authentic self. As they grow up and develop their personality, these gifts become part of their identity, and they’re allowed to freely express them as part of who they are.

How wonderful if all children were so fortunate. But we live in a busy world and, to some degree, each child is given a role, or image, to identify as ‘self’. Children grow up in group settings and are tagged early-on within the group. They’re given a role, and this is who they must be. This is not generally a conscious or purposeful act, but it can be verbally assigned by others, assigned to the child, or sometimes just seem to happen. But as this image takes hold, it becomes the child’s perception of self. The role, or image, becomes the child’s ‘I am’.

“God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.” William Shakespear

I was 6 years old when my father died, and my mother assigned roles to my 11-year-old brother and me. My older brother became the man of the family and worked to help support us, and I became my mother’s trash dump. My mother came home from her waitress job in the middle of the night having had too much to drink, and she woke me to listen to long, painful stories about years past and then losing my father.

I tried to help her, but my role was too much for a 6-year-old, especially dealing with my own painful loss. No one listened to my pain, and I felt forsaken, so I made a vow to take care of myself and never need anyone. I labeled myself, and my vow became who I was…independent, self-sufficient, and alone. This episode is described in my book, Silent Echoes.

From our roles or images, we develop our personality. According to the World Book Encyclopedia, personality is the personal or individual quality that makes one person be different and act differently from another. In psychology, personality is the total physical, intellectual, and emotional structure of an individual, including abilities, interests, and attitudes. According to Maxwell Maltz, the self-image is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behavior. We are truly complex beings with no two alike.

Whatever people think of you is really about the image they have of you, and that image isn’t you.”   ~Don Miguel Ruiz

Our role or image is what we portray to others, and we’re seen by others as this role, image, personality. We may be known as weak, strong, needy, resourceful, capable, smart, ornery, kind, selfish, etc. So we live according to this label while our true self-lives deep inside with only brief moments of expression. In many cases, without a caregiver’s encouragement to express our true self, talents were born with can get lost and die somewhere inside…like a beautiful voice that never gets to sing.

No matter what role we’re given or what personality we develop, the spark of true self will always cry out to be seen, heard, and validated authentically as you…as you were created. Although at times, we do express our true self, we’re so caught up in being who we’re not, we don’t always notice.

Would you like to discover more of you and express more of your true self in your life? Tune in next week for Part 2, and we’ll talk about some ways to change our ‘I am’.

~I wish you a happy journey to self.~

 

 

An image posted by the author.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

 

How To Use Difficult Situations To Enrich Your Life Journey.

Dear Readers, Friends, and New Visitors,

First I want to apologize for being gone for several weeks. Since I live in Florida, I spent time before, during, and after hurricane Irma. Trees, limbs, wires, and debris were everywhere, but I rode out the storm and survived without damage to my house or car.

I’m grateful but so sad for others less fortunate. And I ask you to pray for all those who suffered and are still suffering. I appreciate all the well wishes and prayers from you all and was touched.   God bless all.

Now For This Week’s Post!

Imagine that when you wake up each morning a familiar feeling of dread reaches your mind, and your stomach immediately tightens with stress.You fold your hands over your chest and calm yourself enough to get up and go to a job where you have to face the monster who supervises you with criticism, insults, and anything his sick mind conjures up. You would have left long ago, but you love your work, and you keep thinking things will change. But they don’t. What would you do in such a situation?

On our journey through life, we each experience painful situations that hold us hostage with no visible way out. These situations can involve health, work, financial issues, damaging relationships, losses, various addictions, whatever causes us pain. We bring some on ourselves, and others invade our orderly world without explanation. And we usually view each one as our all-powerful enemy. We may fight back, or leave the situation. Then another one is sure to come. And we move through life never really free to be who we are. Maybe we need to take a closer look and see what’s really happening.

“We are continually faced by great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.”   ~Lee Iacocca

Obstacles in your life are not enemies. They’re opportunities to learn, overcome, and grow into more of the person you’re meant to be. Without these opportnities, you may never realize the depth of how wonderful you are. At times, the road is painful, but if you meet each encounter with faith and determination, life can be rewarding and meaningful.

Years ago I worked as a Mental Health Therapist in a Psychiatrist’s office, and I suffered the same experience as in my opening example. I awoke each morning with dread about going to work. I went to my Minister for help, and she carefully listened, then said, “This man is probably one of the most important teachers you will ever have. Pay attention, learn and grow, and you will be guided to the next plateau in your life.” She was right. I saw myself and my situation with new vision, and I finally left for a new rewarding position, as a wiser and happier me.

“If you can learn from the worst times of your life, you’ll be ready to go into the best times of your life.”  ~Author Unknown

Methods For Change:

Meet each difficult situation as an opportunity with a willingness to learn and grow from it.

Analyze the situation and your response to it. You can learn a lot about yourself in the way you respond to a negative, even hurtful, situation in your life. The more you learn, the more powerful you become. And your situation’s power over you weakens.

“Keep asking yourself: What am I supposed to learn from this?” ~ Unknown

Go within and examine your attitude and feelings, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Do you feel stressed with worry, fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, forsaken, etc? How immersed are you in your feelings? How clear is your mind? Where is your focus…on the situation, your inner response, or both? Do you view the situation as more than you can handle? Can you call on your Higher Power for help? Question and learn.
You’re stronger than you think. Uncover your strengths, and let them shine. Use denials and affirmations ie; “I deny that this situation has any power over me. I am strong and unbeatable.” This process will reinforce your power.

Create a plan to deal with your situation. Then choose techniques that would work best for you…confronting, accepting, or getting away from it. As you go along, monitor your situation and your response, and know you have a right to the life you want. And make it so. Each time you pass a hurdle, you can look back with a grateful heart to where you were, compared to where you are now. And what you learn now will lift you to a higher place for future encounters.

I wish you happy discoveries on your journey.

Marilyn Fowler, Author, and Writer of   “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

“Let Us Create Time For Wonderment In Life.”

Hello Friends and New Visitors,

Since it is a Labor Day Holiday and Day of Rest, I let my dear friend Marilyn have the day off and I am filling in with one of my favorite blog posts she did from years gone by…

I hope you and Marilyn enjoy some “Wonderment and Peace” in your life today.
~ Author, Catherine Townsend-Lyon

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Every day you have a gift. A new 24 hours to create your own experience. You have all the tools you need to color your day with wonderment. Your gift includes sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch. What will you create? You run. You hurry to get there. Don’t be late. A job to do. Bills to pay. Food to prepare. Errands to run. Tend to this. Tend to that. Then night comes. Your day has ended. You’ve spent your gift. Did you create time for wonderment?

“The real voyage of discovery consists of not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes”  ~Marcel Proust

Today is a holiday. I took my cup of coffee out on my back patio. I spied a bird in the oak tree. He whistled. Then I whistled. Then he whistled. And I whistled. He said it was a beautiful day with the sun coming up. I told him I was happy to share the morning with him. That’s wonderment.

looked up to the sky billowing with white clouds between the sun’s rays. An old man with a white beard sat atop the fluffy mass, and a sparkling flower bloomed. That’s wonderment.

I went to the grocery store and ran my cart up and down the aisles. I picked up an apple. A bright red color. I rubbed its smooth skin. I put it to my nose and inhaled its sweet aroma. I saw a woman looking for a greeting card. She didn’t need the walker she had last week. The clerk smiled when I called her by name. That’s wonderment.

I went to a birthday party for my niece and me. I’d wrapped her gift in lavender paper. She wrapped mine the same. We laughed at our coincidence?savored the coconut cake that melted in my mouth and the almonds that crunched between my teeth. That’s wonderment.

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I heard some talk of politics and problems to be solved. But I heard joy in laughter and felt the love in all the hugs. A soft blanket covered the living room floor where my niece’s grandbaby explored her array of toys. My brother played the piano, and she waved her arms to the music. That’s wonderment.

As my eyes took in her world, a poem went through my mind. I watched her playing all alone. Such a little sweetheart, 8 months old.

A little beauty to behold.

Her eyes alive with new delight.

Pure wonderment on her happy face.

Outstretched arms in sweet embrace.

My heart longed to be where she was then.

Oh, if we could but keep those moments in life.

And return to that sweet paradise.

“Wonder is music heard in the heart, is voiceless.”  ~Rosemary Dobson

What do you find at the end of your day? Are you tired? Does your body ache? Is joy in your heart, or just glad it’s over? You have the power to create your music on your self-help road to freedom. The day is your gift, and you experience what you choose to create.

Do what you need to do, but open your eyes to the wonderment that’s there if you choose to see it. You are beautiful. Make each day as beautiful as you are. Look in the mirror and see the wonderment of you. What a blessing you are. That’s wonderment.

May your life be filled with Wonder!

Author, Marilyn Fowler

 

How And When Does A House Become A Home?

Home is a place where we live, where we keep our toothbrush and our dirty clothes hamper–or is it? We don’t usually take notice, but what if it’s a state of being that one feels in a certain place, or in every place. I’ve known people who feel at home wherever they go, and others who have never felt at home anywhere. The place where one lives could be a house, an apartment, a cave, the side of a mountain, a ship at sea, or under a bridge somewhere. Does the place matter? Or is home really inside of us, in our mind and heart waiting for expression?

“It takes hands to build a house, but the only heart can build a home.” ~ Anonymous

We each have our own ideas about what a home should be–or what it should not be. And our memories are sometimes involved in this perception. We may want to escape painful childhood memories or re-create happy ones in our surroundings. For some, it’s the physical environment, for others the people they’re with, or the state of their affairs. A person can live in a mansion and long to go home. But the place where we live is just a place until something there satisfies a need in us, and then we perceive the place as home. So it’s the meaning we assign to a place that brings us in touch with our inner sense of home.

I have a friend who was born and raised in Poland. She sometimes speaks of walking in the woods near her grandfather’s farm when she was a child, and of the safe, warm feelings she experienced there. Now when times get rough for her, she longs to go home to Poland. That place is where she found her inner sense of home, and that’s where she yearns to be when she feels a need to rest from life’s burdens.

Until I moved into my present home, I had never lived in one dwelling for more than four years. I used to wonder what it was like to have a home. When I was nine-years old I came close to knowing what that meant. I spent several months with an aunt and uncle in their lake house in Michigan. It was a beautiful time when I felt home inside of me. I felt joy in the scenic wonder of the place, validated and loved by my aunt and uncle, accepted by my school friends and was treated as a special part of the universe. That’s what home meant to me, and I found it there, if only for a little while.

“Some people look for a beautiful place. Others make a place beautiful.” ~Hazrat Inayat Khan

Each of us is unique, and how homes are created differs with different people. Some may feel at home as soon as they walk into a place where they will live. Others may already know what they need and want, and they plan purposefully to fulfill their unique perception of home. Others may create gradually without purpose toward a home, and over time, without forethought, add little by little, until one day they look around and say with a smile, “Oh, my goodness. I’ve turned my place into a real home.” However a home is created, it’s a feeling made manifest from the heart.

“A house is made of bricks and beams. A home is made of hopes and dreams.”  ~Unknown

What thoughts, memories, visions, scents, and sounds come to mind when you think of home? Do you already have a place that’s home to you? Does where you live satisfy a need in you? Your home is an ongoing expansion in your life, and as the years’ pass, allow it to reflect more of you and what you hold dear.

I wish you love, peace, joy, safety, and abundance in your special home.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon.

(PS…My thoughts, prayers, and safety to all in Texas who are being affected by Hurricane Harvey.) 

Coping With Job Dissatisfaction And Finding Your Joy.

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“THE ONLY WAY To Do GREAT WORK Is To LOVE What You DO.” ~Steve Jobs

Recently I saw research on TV regarding job dissatisfaction, and I was amazed at this revelation, although not surprised given the way our world has changed over the years. According to this report, a large number of people are greatly dissatisfied, many are somewhat dissatisfied, and many are no longer even mentally or emotionally involved while on the job. In too many situations people go to work, do what’s expected, get a pay check, and go home stressed and exhausted.

In my younger years I did waitress work, and while it was hard work and I sometimes dealt with rude customers, employees were not taken for granted like cattle to be prodded into submission. We were valued and appreciated, and this was reflected in the work environment. But not so in many places today. We live in a different world.

Having also worked in the mental health field for many years, I look at the psychological reasons for today’s dissatisfaction in the place where we spend most of our daily life. It’s not only our response to what goes on outside of ourselves but something that’s going on inside too. We humans have basic needs that must come from both our outer world and our own sense of well being on the inside.

In our outer world, we need validation and appreciation for the work we do. This means receiving fair pay and treatment in a safe work place where we can enjoy doing what we do. It means a sense of security with benefits and a solid future. It means respect from supervisors and congenial relationships with co-workers. It should be a place we look forward to each work day…a place that enhances our quality of life.

Utopia? Not really. I remember when most work places were like this.

“Burnout is what happens when we ignore the soul whispering against an unhealthy job or relationship.”  ~Unknown

On the inside, each of us is endowed with a ‘knowing’. But how often do we listen to our inner voice telling us what we need to know for our life to be fulfilling? Maybe we’re too busy to listen. Every day our mind is caught up in what we need to know on the job to keep the bills paid. And we push buttons to communicate and get things done. Our modern world is efficient in many ways. But there’s something inside that needs to be fulfilled. It’s that innate need to create and find satisfaction in our creation. Our God-given gift of creativity feeds our soul and maintains our identity. And you can’t get that from a stressful job or a hand held gadget.

If you’re employed in a happy work environment, enjoy the years you spend there, and express gratitude every day. You’re blessed. And I’m happy for you. On the other hand, in our society, many are not so fortunate. Some do turn to more gratifying pursuits, but as months turn into years, some feel so trapped, they don’t even try to change the status quo. These are people you see every day who live from one pay check to the next without hope for a way out.

“Use your smile to change this world, don’t let this world change your smile.”  ~Unknown

If you feel unhappy in your job, even miserable at work, know that you can change your own life in spite of your situation. First, change the way you perceive your work environment, and do the best you can with what you’ve got there. Start taking your love and your smile to work, and you may find it’s contagious.

Then create something in your life that reflects who you are, that says your life matters…You matter. Focusing on creative satisfaction can compensate for the negatives at work, and reduce stress, and give your life meaning. Hopefully, this could be at your job, but if not it could be found in something you just enjoy doing…maybe volunteering, gardening, cooking, writing, music, sports, sharing interesting knowledge, whatever. There’s much-undiscovered talent within you. So look within and find your joy.

I wish you peace and joy in all of your life.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country  on Amazon.