Many, if not most people today are familiar with Eric Berne’s psychological theory regarding the parent, child and adult ego states, different parts of ourselves from which we function. The parent expresses our value systems, morals, and beliefs, and may be critical or nurturing. The child is our feeling self. And the adult uses rational thinking and problem-solving and tries to keep the parent and child in balance. If we become familiar with these parts of ourselves, we can work with them and create a healthier, happier life.
“We’ve all had traumas and painful experiences as children. But you don’t have to be adversely affected by the past when you start healing the child within.” ~Unknown
Since the child is our feeling self, when you feel sad, hurt, angry, scared, frustrated, any painful feelings, that’s your child crying for help. And your child needs attention. We’re all human, and we will have those feelings sometimes. They’re part of life, and we can’t totally shut down all negativity. But you can be aware of your feelings, know where they’re coming from, and turn to your inner child with love and compassion. You can learn to diminish the negative and increase the positive feelings. And your inner child, and thus you can learn to be happier.
“It is necessary to own and honor the child you were in order to love the person you are.” ~ Robert Burney
As you become more familiar and relate more with your inner child, you’ll know right away how to work out any painful feelings. And you and the child part of you will feel more like the one person you are. But it’s also important to recognize your parent self, the self that can be critical or nurturing, and your adult self with its rational thinking and problem-solving skills. Then when your parent self-gets critical, you can call on your adult self to handle the situation and free your inner child from more hurt.
“She held herself until the sobs of the child inside subsided entirely. I love you, she told herself. It will all be okay.” ~Raven Rose
Seems like you go in and out of different characters, doesn’t it? Well, all 3 of them are you, and whether you know it or not, you’ve been using all of them all of the time…crying with pain, criticizing yourself, and your adult self-intervening.
Example Scenario: Suppose someone said something unkind to you, and you were hurt and cried (That’s your child self). Then a voice in your head said, “Oh, can’t take it, huh? Stop that blubbering (That’s your parent self). Then you dried your tears and told yourself, “Never mind. You’re loved and you do matter (That’s your adult self-soothing your inner child feelings). We use all parts of our self automatically.
Now there’s another side to all of this. While you’re healing the hurts and drying the tears, your inner child would really like to have some funl. You know, the things you used to do before you got so busy. So let her/him out sometimes. Sing with the birds, make funny faces and laugh at yourself, walk in the rain, dance around the house, eat an ice cream cone and let it melt down your belly. The list is endless. The more you laugh, the less pain you will feel. And it will be so much easier being you.
“There is a child inside all of us who continues to believe that it can always get better. That it doesn’t end here.” ~Vienna Pharaon
When your child self is happy, you look up instead of down. It raises your sights to who you really are…God’s beautiful creation who only wants good in your life. You have the strength to successfully meet life’s challenges. You have the wisdom to make wise choices and create peace instead of pain. You have the courage to bring what’s good for you into your life and rule out what’s not. You live each day with faith and hope. And you learn to love your wonderful self. You heal your inner child, you heal yourself. And life can be so good.
I wish you fun being you.
Marilyn Fowler, Author of ““Silent Echoes” and writer for “Keys To Recovery” …