How To Create Peace Between You…

Now that the holidays are here, is there someone in your life who gets on your nerves and annoys you to the point of frustration? Maybe your boss, co-worker, neighbor, friend, life partner? Most people know someone like this. If you do, then you know that uncomfortable feeling that bubbles beneath the surface and drives you up a wall.

Years ago I worked in a pharmacy with a verbally abusive boss. Then one day I exploded, and we had a yelling fight across the store. I thought for sure I’d be fired. But when I carried my loud voice behind his counter, he was doubled up with laughter. I yelled, “What the hell are you laughing at?” With a wide grin, he answered, “I wondered how long it would take you to stand up for yourself. Bout time.” After that, he treated me with respect, and we ended up with a good relationship. However, I wouldn’t recommend my behavior to anyone. Don’t yell at your boss.

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.”  ~Unknown

Over time, I’ve learned better ways to improve my own response to people who push my buttons. There’s room for change on both sides. First look at your own responses, and honestly question any hangups that may precipitate or contribute to the other person’s behavior. Am I being unreasonable? Do I expect too much? Do I respond from my own insecurity? Is there something to me that needs to change? Look for answers, and make necessary changes if you need to. If you feel comfortable talking to the other person, do it. If not, there are other ways to bring about change.

One time I worked with a team of people and our Supervisor’s answers to the others were usually ‘yes’, but always ‘no’ to me, sometimes with a somewhat hostile attitude. I was confused and made every effort to please. But no change. Then I went to my Minister for help, and she recommended the following exercise. I used it each day, and in about a month, I saw changes with my Supervisor. Eventually, we became friends, and I valued her friendship.

Recommended Exercise: Your goal is to change the negative energy between you to positive energy, thus changing the behaviors.
1. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and imagine looking at the other person.
2. Then say, “I love you, I bless you, I release you to your highest good.”
3. Now take another deep breath, and let go. Let go. Let go.

When you say these words, you’re sending the other person a love your neighbor type of love–the kind that’s wired in us to love others. At first, you may not feel these words, so saying them may be difficult. But you’re affirming blessings in their life, and you’re releasing them, and ultimately yourself, from negative energy between you. So say the words anyway. In most cases, this exercise does work if you stay with it. And you might just find the peace you long for between you.

 

 
“You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.” ~Unknown

Not everyone is going to cooperate and make the change you want in your relationship. And it may be someone you can’t or don’t want to release from your life. But you don’t have to remain on the receiving end of their inappropriate behavior. Set boundaries with a plan to avoid emotional disturbance from a difficult person.

Boundary Examples: “I will be caring and considerate of your feelings; I will use yes or no when needed, and mean it; I will listen when you’re talking to me, but will walk away if your words or manner are hurtful; etc, etc. And I will grant you the same courtesies.” Create and present the plan appropriate to the person involved, such as your boss at work, your life partner, whoever, etc.

“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.”  ~Marianne Williamson 

Some people have a fear of losing control and will resist change. So if someone refuses your miracle, then honor it yourself as much as possible. You’re a special person with a right to peace and love in your life. Go for it, and be happy.

I wish you peace created between the both you.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of   “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

 

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Release Clutter And Nourish Your Soul Part 1 Environmental Clutter.

I hope you all had a blessed, healthy, and happy Thanksgiving with family and friends. Now let help you prepare for the busy Holiday Season with doing some inside and outside “life clutter”… Marilyn

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Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on.” ~Steve Maraboli

Some people are never concerned with getting empty boxes to pack up clutter for the trash collectors. God bless ’em. But others of us live our lives overrun with all kinds of clutter. It’s not something we do deliberately. We just don’t put things where they belong in the first place, and they pile up. We have good intentions, but we take stuff for granted and pretend it’s not there.

“Clutter is stuck energy.  The word “Clutter” derives from the Middle English word “clotter” which means to coagulate–and that’s about as stuck as you can get.”   ~Karen Kingston.

Everything is energy, and energy attracts like energy. So if your life is full of clutter, more clutter is what you’ll attract. And it creeps up gradually when you’re not looking. Over time, it meshes together like part of the decor. And it becomes part of your everyday life. You may try to change your focus away from it. But the clutter is still there.

People clutter for different reasonsSome allow ‘memories’ to pile up with old pictures, souvenirs, reminders of happy times, etc. Others accumulate stuff and plan to ‘get to it later’ like unread mail and greeting cards, receipts that need filing, etc. Others think they might ‘need something later’ like ads for things on sale, old clothes they’ll never wear, the hat for that outfit they never bought. Then there’s the messy person who just lets everything pile up.

Our home environment is a reflection of who we think we are, and clutter becomes a part of that reflection. We identify with it. So the clutter influences the way we feel and takes a toll on our health. It can invite dust, or molds, and toxins that affect us physically, draining our energy and our ability to fight illnesses.

Looking at clutter every day can also encourage mental and emotional stress that disturbs our sense of well being with feelings of incompetence, anxiety, and depression. And our home may no longer support a positive self-image or what we need to be healthy and happy.

If you’re a chronic clutterer, your brain is trained for it. But you can re-train your brain and create a new way to live. Clutter has some meaning for each person, and it’s important to understand why you clutter. So ask yourself, “Why do I allow clutter in my home? And what reward do I get from it?” You might answer, “I allow it to pile up because I can get to it later, or I keep it because I might need it sometime.”

And my reward is “I don’t have to do it now, or I’ll have it if I need it.” Now make a decision to release your need to clutter, and make an appointment with yourself to begin clutter maintenance.

“It’s all about finding the calm in the chaos.”  ~Donna Karan 

Get a box for the trash and a bag for give-a-ways, and make notes to yourself to stay with a schedule to the end. Clean one area at a time like one drawer, one closet, one pile of papers, etc. Keep only what’s meaningful like pictures, letters, mementos, etc, and what’s necessary like medical reports, unpaid bills, etc. But let all the rest go. And with each job you finish, see yourself as strong and capable. It may take more than one attempt to change for good. So keep reminders in those areas you’ve cleaned, and maybe you won’t clutter again. 🙂

When you’re done, stand back and look around. Smile at what you’ve accomplished, and you’ll feel new energy in your home. And now that you’ve cleared the clutter on the outside, take a moment to go within and tell yourself you’ll clear the inside clutter too.

Stay tuned for Part 2 next week to release your inside clutter and find peace.

I wish you happy days in your clutter-free home. And maybe your car too? Lol.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

 

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The Depression Pit: Part 2 ~ “Nothing moves without a push.”

The Depression Pit: Part 2 ~ “Nothing moves without a push.”

‘The above statement: “nothing moves without a push,” could be applied to just about anything in life, but it’s very appropriate when dealing with depression.’

When we fall into that pit, it can feel like we’ll never get out, and we long for someone to reach down and save us. But it usually doesn’t work that way. There are times when a person is too weak to do the pushing, and medication is required until they’re strong enough to participate in the recovery process. And that’s okay. But for most of us, we’re stronger than we think, and we can begin recovery in spite of that hopeless feeling that churns inside.

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
   ~Martin Luther King Jr.

Try and Sit quietly, close your eyes and go within. Take your time.

1. This may sound weird, but accept where you are right now–depressed. Owning the problem and being willing to face it and resolve it puts the ball in your corner and takes some of the power away from the depression.

2. Now state your intention to climb up out of that pit. It hurts, and you want out, so you intend to get out one way or another. So there!!

3. Reach down deep inside and locate that inner strength you thought was gone. It’s still there, and it will answer your call. Now take a deep breath. You need one. You’ve just accomplished the first step to freedom.

“For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe.” ~Larry Eisenberg

Now, give yourself permission to not be all things to everyone else. This is your time to heal. Meet your commitments, but your main focus now is you.

4. Clarify the source of your depression. Is it a problem on the outside, or is something going on within yourself? If it’s on the outside, do what you can to resolve it and then let it go. You don’t have a magic wand. If the source is on the inside, ask your Higher Self to reveal what you need to work on.

5. Use denials and affirmations. Example: I deny that this problem has any power over me. I affirm my ability to rise above any obstacle in my life and find the freedom I desire.

6. If you feel like crying, ranting, raving, swearing, etc, don’t hold it back. It will just keep popping up. However, don’t let it control you. Allot a certain amount of time for this kind of an outlet. 30mins, 1hour, 2hours, whatever you decide. Then when the time is up, cut it off. Do this again as needed. You’ll find this need will diminish.

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7. Make a deliberate effort to use props and beauty to raise your mood. Music, walking outside, exercise, watch a sunrise, eat an ice cream cone, create belly laughs (I know you don’t feel like it, but do it anyway) whatever it takes.

“Give light, then the darkness will disappear of itself.”  ~Desiderius Erasmus

8. This is one of the most important things you can do to help yourself. Find ways to help someone else. Not because you feel obligated, but because you want to. Give and get hugs. You need them too. Give and accept all the love you can. Love is the greatest healer.

“Be not afraid of changing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.”  ~Chinese Proverb

The journey back up is not easy. It takes time, and you may have to start over numerous times. But never ever give up. The will to live will always push you forward and give you the strength you need. You are meant to soar like an eagle. Accept help when it comes, but you have to flap your own wings.

I wish you joy in your heart and a smile on your face. You can make it.


Marilyn Fowler, Author, and Writer of  
 “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

An image posted by the author.

The Depression Pit: Part 1. “There Is Hope and Help From Depression.”

The Depression Pit: Part 1. “There Is Hope and Help From Depression.”

Ten years ago as I watched the miners in Chile being rescued from underground, I couldn’t help thinking about other kinds of dark pits that we humans experience–the kind we can’t see or touch, but just as frightening–a place called depression. It seems as I have read from others it is like being lost in a black abyss with no way out.

I am also sure there are times when everyone feels a degree of depression. It’s part of our human experience. But some feel it down to a desperate place of soul suffering. Just as no one can fully understand the pain those miners went through, no one can fully understand the pain of depression unless they’ve been there, ‘been through it’ so to speak. But the darkness, fear, and despair can be equally painful. And being in a dark pit seems like an appropriate analogy.

 “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” ~John Wooden

As long as we’re in the human condition, we’re exposed to painful experiences–some on the outside, some on the inside, and some in both. But with depression, no matter the source of the pain, it seems to hurt everywhere. It can actually immobilize us to a state of inertia where it feels like a permanent condition from which there is no escape.

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“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”  ~Helen Keller

But just as those brave miners escaped, there is hope for those who know the prison of depression. There is in each of us a will to live. It’s our greatest gift–the key to freedom. We can use it if we search and find it. One step is one step closer to abundant life, and the first step could be the intention.

“A good intention clothes itself in power.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

In part two, I’ll talk about some steps we can take to crawl out of the dark pit. There is a way out, even if we can’t see it when we’re at the bottom. The light is there.

Peace be with you ’til we meet again.

Marilyn Fowler, Writer/Author of   “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

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Are You Living Images And Roles You Were Given As A Child? Where Is Your True Self? Part 1

When children come into the world, they come in with unique characteristics and talents. And the fortunate ones have parents, teachers, caregivers, who nurture and encourage them to express these gifts in their life. As they mature, they experience many of the same rules and restrictions the world requires, but with direction and guidance, they retain much of their authentic self. As they grow up and develop their personality, these gifts become part of their identity, and they’re allowed to freely express them as part of who they are.

How wonderful if all children were so fortunate. But we live in a busy world and, to some degree, each child is given a role, or image, to identify as ‘self’. Children grow up in group settings and are tagged early-on within the group. They’re given a role, and this is who they must be. This is not generally a conscious or purposeful act, but it can be verbally assigned by others, assigned to the child, or sometimes just seem to happen. But as this image takes hold, it becomes the child’s perception of self. The role, or image, becomes the child’s ‘I am’.

“God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.” William Shakespear

I was 6 years old when my father died, and my mother assigned roles to my 11-year-old brother and me. My older brother became the man of the family and worked to help support us, and I became my mother’s trash dump. My mother came home from her waitress job in the middle of the night having had too much to drink, and she woke me to listen to long, painful stories about years past and then losing my father.

I tried to help her, but my role was too much for a 6-year-old, especially dealing with my own painful loss. No one listened to my pain, and I felt forsaken, so I made a vow to take care of myself and never need anyone. I labeled myself, and my vow became who I was…independent, self-sufficient, and alone. This episode is described in my book, Silent Echoes.

From our roles or images, we develop our personality. According to the World Book Encyclopedia, personality is the personal or individual quality that makes one person be different and act differently from another. In psychology, personality is the total physical, intellectual, and emotional structure of an individual, including abilities, interests, and attitudes. According to Maxwell Maltz, the self-image is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self-image and you change the personality and the behavior. We are truly complex beings with no two alike.

Whatever people think of you is really about the image they have of you, and that image isn’t you.”   ~Don Miguel Ruiz

Our role or image is what we portray to others, and we’re seen by others as this role, image, personality. We may be known as weak, strong, needy, resourceful, capable, smart, ornery, kind, selfish, etc. So we live according to this label while our true self-lives deep inside with only brief moments of expression. In many cases, without a caregiver’s encouragement to express our true self, talents were born with can get lost and die somewhere inside…like a beautiful voice that never gets to sing.

No matter what role we’re given or what personality we develop, the spark of true self will always cry out to be seen, heard, and validated authentically as you…as you were created. Although at times, we do express our true self, we’re so caught up in being who we’re not, we don’t always notice.

Would you like to discover more of you and express more of your true self in your life? Tune in next week for Part 2, and we’ll talk about some ways to change our ‘I am’.

~I wish you a happy journey to self.~

 

 

An image posted by the author.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

 

How To Use Difficult Situations To Enrich Your Life Journey.

Dear Readers, Friends, and New Visitors,

First I want to apologize for being gone for several weeks. Since I live in Florida, I spent time before, during, and after hurricane Irma. Trees, limbs, wires, and debris were everywhere, but I rode out the storm and survived without damage to my house or car.

I’m grateful but so sad for others less fortunate. And I ask you to pray for all those who suffered and are still suffering. I appreciate all the well wishes and prayers from you all and was touched.   God bless all.

Now For This Week’s Post!

Imagine that when you wake up each morning a familiar feeling of dread reaches your mind, and your stomach immediately tightens with stress.You fold your hands over your chest and calm yourself enough to get up and go to a job where you have to face the monster who supervises you with criticism, insults, and anything his sick mind conjures up. You would have left long ago, but you love your work, and you keep thinking things will change. But they don’t. What would you do in such a situation?

On our journey through life, we each experience painful situations that hold us hostage with no visible way out. These situations can involve health, work, financial issues, damaging relationships, losses, various addictions, whatever causes us pain. We bring some on ourselves, and others invade our orderly world without explanation. And we usually view each one as our all-powerful enemy. We may fight back, or leave the situation. Then another one is sure to come. And we move through life never really free to be who we are. Maybe we need to take a closer look and see what’s really happening.

“We are continually faced by great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems.”   ~Lee Iacocca

Obstacles in your life are not enemies. They’re opportunities to learn, overcome, and grow into more of the person you’re meant to be. Without these opportnities, you may never realize the depth of how wonderful you are. At times, the road is painful, but if you meet each encounter with faith and determination, life can be rewarding and meaningful.

Years ago I worked as a Mental Health Therapist in a Psychiatrist’s office, and I suffered the same experience as in my opening example. I awoke each morning with dread about going to work. I went to my Minister for help, and she carefully listened, then said, “This man is probably one of the most important teachers you will ever have. Pay attention, learn and grow, and you will be guided to the next plateau in your life.” She was right. I saw myself and my situation with new vision, and I finally left for a new rewarding position, as a wiser and happier me.

“If you can learn from the worst times of your life, you’ll be ready to go into the best times of your life.”  ~Author Unknown

Methods For Change:

Meet each difficult situation as an opportunity with a willingness to learn and grow from it.

Analyze the situation and your response to it. You can learn a lot about yourself in the way you respond to a negative, even hurtful, situation in your life. The more you learn, the more powerful you become. And your situation’s power over you weakens.

“Keep asking yourself: What am I supposed to learn from this?” ~ Unknown

Go within and examine your attitude and feelings, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Do you feel stressed with worry, fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, forsaken, etc? How immersed are you in your feelings? How clear is your mind? Where is your focus…on the situation, your inner response, or both? Do you view the situation as more than you can handle? Can you call on your Higher Power for help? Question and learn.
You’re stronger than you think. Uncover your strengths, and let them shine. Use denials and affirmations ie; “I deny that this situation has any power over me. I am strong and unbeatable.” This process will reinforce your power.

Create a plan to deal with your situation. Then choose techniques that would work best for you…confronting, accepting, or getting away from it. As you go along, monitor your situation and your response, and know you have a right to the life you want. And make it so. Each time you pass a hurdle, you can look back with a grateful heart to where you were, compared to where you are now. And what you learn now will lift you to a higher place for future encounters.

I wish you happy discoveries on your journey.

Marilyn Fowler, Author, and Writer of   “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

Thanks To Irma…A Blog Post Re-share: “How To Survive Your Storms And Grow Stronger.”

Hello and Welcome Friends, Readers, and New Visitors,

I am a little early this week with a post here on my blog, and thanks to my friend Author, Cat Lyon who is placing this post up for me as I am preparing for a dangerous hurricane. Yes, I live in Florida and IRMA seems she wants to make a “Grand Entrance” into Florida!

This had me thinking of a post I did when I first came to WordPress about ‘Weathering Life Storms.”  Doesn’t matter if it is a storm of mother nature or a life event, we can grow stronger from the experience and pick up the pieces and move on. So please keep Florida in your prayers as THIS storm moves past us…

 

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“Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s storming now doesn’t mean that you aren’t headed for the sunshine.” ~ Unknown

The storm has passed. It’s quiet now. An eerie quiet. As if waiting for the next devastating gust of winds to come and carry away whatever is in its path. Waiting for more tree branches and debris thrown to the ground, for more flooding with homes and lives destroyed. I wait. But the storm is gone. And now everything bravely comes alive again. I know as I watch critters work with nature to recover and rebuild their lives.

I know from the sound of birds calling to each other from their secret places where they found refuge. I hear their happy whistles and chirping, now free to do what birds do–gloriously spread their wings to join others in search of new horizons and rebuild their nests for new families to replace those lost in the storm.

I know from squirrels running up and down and hopping over wet branches planning their next adventure. Calling to each other, chattering and flipping their tails in happy pursuit of food perhaps thrown to the rain-soaked earth by heavy winds. Happy sounds of creatures.

I know from lizards scurrying about, or peeking out from underdrain pipes to find a dry spot to survey the territory. Their mouths snapping open and shut, and their heads bobbing back and forth frantically pursuing their next move. Lost in this new dry world, with maybe no memory of where they were or what they were doing when the storm ran them for shelter.

And I know from the way my own heart jumps as I feel the sun’s warmth on my bare arms, and breathe in the smell of crisp air washed clean by heavy rains; watch bright sparkling sunbeams dancing on grateful plants reaching up with outstretched arms. The clouds are gone, and the sky is as clear as DeLeon Springs where I swam growing up. I smile at nature coming alive, venturing out. Each to its own identity, being what they are when the storm has passed, and a new day arrives to begin again. What a world to behold.

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When I experience one of those storms, I think of the human storms that arise within each of us when our calm lives are turned upside down. Our feelings are much like the qualities found in the storms of nature. In one of your own life storms you may experience a rain of tears over a painful loss; or feel you’ve been caught up in a cruel tornado tossing your life in a hundred directions, or you’re out of breath treading water and going deeper all the time; or a belief you’ve held your whole life suddenly toppling to the ground.

“Be encouraged…Not every storm is a disaster. Some are simply cleansing moments.”  ~Gregory Prince

When you’re hit by a life storm, you can do whatever you can to change its course, or you can ride it out. And one way or another, your storm will pass. But until it does, a positive attitude is necessary. Storms may stall, as nature’s storms do, so watch for signs that it’s still moving out. There’s less turmoil, your stress level is dropping, each day becomes a little easier. And it has given you a lesson and made you stronger.

“Remember to play after every storm.”   ~Mattie Stepanek

After the storm passes, don’t be satisfied with just knowing the storm is gone. Walk in the sunshine and smile at the critters. And take time to nurture and care for yourself. Then focus on rebuilding, and use what you’ve learned to make your life better than before. Is there debris from the past you can release now? Did your storm reveal strengths you didn’t know you had? Explore and set your sights on a new tomorrow.

As each day passes, look for positive changes, and make new discoveries about yourself. You may be surprised at what you’ll find as a result of experiencing the storm.


I wish you a peaceful heart and new tomorrows… UPDATE 9/17/2017

Hi Everyone!,

I spoke with Marilyn on Friday and she is back home and has weathered Hurricane IRMA just fine. She had no damage to her home, as she lives North in Jacksonville, FL. She did say the yard was a MESS with debris, trees, and branches down, but that was about it. She had power on by Thursday. So we can all rest easy to know she made it OK. NOW? She said the clean-up begins. So we wanted to leave this post up for the coming week as a reminder that YOU can weather any STORM be it in LIFE or Mother Nature! God Bless Those Who Lost Everything and Our Prayers Are With Them… XOXO

Marilyn and Cat!

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Marilyn Fowler, Author/Writer of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon.