How To Create Peace Between You…

Now that the holidays are here, is there someone in your life who gets on your nerves and annoys you to the point of frustration? Maybe your boss, co-worker, neighbor, friend, life partner? Most people know someone like this. If you do, then you know that uncomfortable feeling that bubbles beneath the surface and drives you up a wall.

Years ago I worked in a pharmacy with a verbally abusive boss. Then one day I exploded, and we had a yelling fight across the store. I thought for sure I’d be fired. But when I carried my loud voice behind his counter, he was doubled up with laughter. I yelled, “What the hell are you laughing at?” With a wide grin, he answered, “I wondered how long it would take you to stand up for yourself. Bout time.” After that, he treated me with respect, and we ended up with a good relationship. However, I wouldn’t recommend my behavior to anyone. Don’t yell at your boss.

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.”  ~Unknown

Over time, I’ve learned better ways to improve my own response to people who push my buttons. There’s room for change on both sides. First look at your own responses, and honestly question any hangups that may precipitate or contribute to the other person’s behavior. Am I being unreasonable? Do I expect too much? Do I respond from my own insecurity? Is there something to me that needs to change? Look for answers, and make necessary changes if you need to. If you feel comfortable talking to the other person, do it. If not, there are other ways to bring about change.

One time I worked with a team of people and our Supervisor’s answers to the others were usually ‘yes’, but always ‘no’ to me, sometimes with a somewhat hostile attitude. I was confused and made every effort to please. But no change. Then I went to my Minister for help, and she recommended the following exercise. I used it each day, and in about a month, I saw changes with my Supervisor. Eventually, we became friends, and I valued her friendship.

Recommended Exercise: Your goal is to change the negative energy between you to positive energy, thus changing the behaviors.
1. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and imagine looking at the other person.
2. Then say, “I love you, I bless you, I release you to your highest good.”
3. Now take another deep breath, and let go. Let go. Let go.

When you say these words, you’re sending the other person a love your neighbor type of love–the kind that’s wired in us to love others. At first, you may not feel these words, so saying them may be difficult. But you’re affirming blessings in their life, and you’re releasing them, and ultimately yourself, from negative energy between you. So say the words anyway. In most cases, this exercise does work if you stay with it. And you might just find the peace you long for between you.

 

 
“You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.” ~Unknown

Not everyone is going to cooperate and make the change you want in your relationship. And it may be someone you can’t or don’t want to release from your life. But you don’t have to remain on the receiving end of their inappropriate behavior. Set boundaries with a plan to avoid emotional disturbance from a difficult person.

Boundary Examples: “I will be caring and considerate of your feelings; I will use yes or no when needed, and mean it; I will listen when you’re talking to me, but will walk away if your words or manner are hurtful; etc, etc. And I will grant you the same courtesies.” Create and present the plan appropriate to the person involved, such as your boss at work, your life partner, whoever, etc.

“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.”  ~Marianne Williamson 

Some people have a fear of losing control and will resist change. So if someone refuses your miracle, then honor it yourself as much as possible. You’re a special person with a right to peace and love in your life. Go for it, and be happy.

I wish you peace created between the both you.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of   “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

 

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Release Clutter And Nourish Your Soul. Part 2 Inner Clutter…

Clutter in our outer world is tangible things with visual color and texture you can touch. But the inside stuff rolls around in your head and heart, and you carry it with you every day. You wake in the morning, and it beckons your attention. And if you’re an inside clutterer, you answer its call.

“If it can be solved, there’s no need to worry, and if it can’t be solved worry is of no use.”  ~Dalai Lama

Like outer clutter, inner clutter occurs in different amounts and intensity. At best, you might experience occasional worry like rushing to catch a bus when you oversleep or forget to cancel an appointment, etc. For those, you might fret and say a few choice words, but then deal with it and not let it become an unnecessary burden. Then more intense is worry over one main issue you just can’t release a lost relationship or a mistake you can’t go back and correct. And your strong feelings hold it to you. You see no resolution, and you can’t stop obsessing over it every day.

The most troublesome situation is when multiple issues build up inside with focus on many painful feelings that won’t stop. And they become a source of daily rumination without resolution. Oryou retain feelings from the past like sorrow, regret, anger, etc. And a trigger like a song or a sudden memory can create an ongoing reaction. You can even get into, “What if this happens, or what if that happens,” before anything worrisome happens. Inner clutter fills your thoughts, and you feel there’s no way out.

Outer clutter in our surroundings influences the way we feel. But it doesn’t require constant attention, and daily activities furnish a respite. Inner clutter is a different phenomenon. Your thoughts are part of you. And for a person who’s caught up in a daily battle with obsessive thinking, the relentless invasion of worrisome thoughts can reach down to the soul and leave them anxious, depressed, and exhausted. Just living day to day becomes a challenge.

“Non-resistance is the greatest power in the Universe.”  ~Eckhart Tolle

When mental clutter piles up, you try to make it stop. But it won’t budge. You try pushing it out of your mind, but it gets stronger. And you push harder. So it goes, over and over. Well, there’s a saying, “Resistance breeds persistence.” And it does. So stop resisting. Once you let it be, you can get to ways that will release it and bring you peace. And there are ways to do that.

First, give yourself permission to release the clutter. Then voice your intention to stop obsessing, and verbalize a vow to break loose. Be firm.

Prepare with self-talk, and speak to your thoughts with love as often as needed. Repeat,“I’ve been approaching problems with worry, and that doesn’t work. I’m smart enough to handle whatever needs my attention and let the rest go. And thoughts, I don’t need you now. I’m taking charge, and we’re going to be happy.”

“If it doesn’t nourish your soul, get rid of it.”  ~Unknown

Consider the difference between worry and concern. Worry is clutter, it doesn’t solve problems. Concern implies relevance and importance and is a valid place to begin releasing the clutter. So list everything you’re worried about, and rate each item by how relevant and important it is and how much you ‘need’ to be concerned about it…0 being not at all, and 10 being a lot. Then choose items you can solve without worry.

“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.”  ~Marianne Williamson

Imagine a large balloon, and drop items you’re releasing into the balloon. Seal the top, and wave goodbye with forgiveness and love as you watch it float upward and disappear into the sky. Feel your shoulders lighten and your mind clear. Now you have nourished your soul.

It may take additional efforts to finally stop cluttering your mind. But continue the clearing procedure as needed, and your mind will eventually develop a ‘stop button’. And you can truly be free. A long time ago, ongoing efforts worked for me, and I’m grateful.

I wish you a peaceful mind and heart.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of  

“Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

 

 

An image posted by the author.



Release Clutter And Nourish Your Soul Part 1 Environmental Clutter.

I hope you all had a blessed, healthy, and happy Thanksgiving with family and friends. Now let help you prepare for the busy Holiday Season with doing some inside and outside “life clutter”… Marilyn

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Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on.” ~Steve Maraboli

Some people are never concerned with getting empty boxes to pack up clutter for the trash collectors. God bless ’em. But others of us live our lives overrun with all kinds of clutter. It’s not something we do deliberately. We just don’t put things where they belong in the first place, and they pile up. We have good intentions, but we take stuff for granted and pretend it’s not there.

“Clutter is stuck energy.  The word “Clutter” derives from the Middle English word “clotter” which means to coagulate–and that’s about as stuck as you can get.”   ~Karen Kingston.

Everything is energy, and energy attracts like energy. So if your life is full of clutter, more clutter is what you’ll attract. And it creeps up gradually when you’re not looking. Over time, it meshes together like part of the decor. And it becomes part of your everyday life. You may try to change your focus away from it. But the clutter is still there.

People clutter for different reasonsSome allow ‘memories’ to pile up with old pictures, souvenirs, reminders of happy times, etc. Others accumulate stuff and plan to ‘get to it later’ like unread mail and greeting cards, receipts that need filing, etc. Others think they might ‘need something later’ like ads for things on sale, old clothes they’ll never wear, the hat for that outfit they never bought. Then there’s the messy person who just lets everything pile up.

Our home environment is a reflection of who we think we are, and clutter becomes a part of that reflection. We identify with it. So the clutter influences the way we feel and takes a toll on our health. It can invite dust, or molds, and toxins that affect us physically, draining our energy and our ability to fight illnesses.

Looking at clutter every day can also encourage mental and emotional stress that disturbs our sense of well being with feelings of incompetence, anxiety, and depression. And our home may no longer support a positive self-image or what we need to be healthy and happy.

If you’re a chronic clutterer, your brain is trained for it. But you can re-train your brain and create a new way to live. Clutter has some meaning for each person, and it’s important to understand why you clutter. So ask yourself, “Why do I allow clutter in my home? And what reward do I get from it?” You might answer, “I allow it to pile up because I can get to it later, or I keep it because I might need it sometime.”

And my reward is “I don’t have to do it now, or I’ll have it if I need it.” Now make a decision to release your need to clutter, and make an appointment with yourself to begin clutter maintenance.

“It’s all about finding the calm in the chaos.”  ~Donna Karan 

Get a box for the trash and a bag for give-a-ways, and make notes to yourself to stay with a schedule to the end. Clean one area at a time like one drawer, one closet, one pile of papers, etc. Keep only what’s meaningful like pictures, letters, mementos, etc, and what’s necessary like medical reports, unpaid bills, etc. But let all the rest go. And with each job you finish, see yourself as strong and capable. It may take more than one attempt to change for good. So keep reminders in those areas you’ve cleaned, and maybe you won’t clutter again. 🙂

When you’re done, stand back and look around. Smile at what you’ve accomplished, and you’ll feel new energy in your home. And now that you’ve cleared the clutter on the outside, take a moment to go within and tell yourself you’ll clear the inside clutter too.

Stay tuned for Part 2 next week to release your inside clutter and find peace.

I wish you happy days in your clutter-free home. And maybe your car too? Lol.

Marilyn Fowler, Author of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

 

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The Depression Pit: Part 2 ~ “Nothing moves without a push.”

The Depression Pit: Part 2 ~ “Nothing moves without a push.”

‘The above statement: “nothing moves without a push,” could be applied to just about anything in life, but it’s very appropriate when dealing with depression.’

When we fall into that pit, it can feel like we’ll never get out, and we long for someone to reach down and save us. But it usually doesn’t work that way. There are times when a person is too weak to do the pushing, and medication is required until they’re strong enough to participate in the recovery process. And that’s okay. But for most of us, we’re stronger than we think, and we can begin recovery in spite of that hopeless feeling that churns inside.

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
   ~Martin Luther King Jr.

Try and Sit quietly, close your eyes and go within. Take your time.

1. This may sound weird, but accept where you are right now–depressed. Owning the problem and being willing to face it and resolve it puts the ball in your corner and takes some of the power away from the depression.

2. Now state your intention to climb up out of that pit. It hurts, and you want out, so you intend to get out one way or another. So there!!

3. Reach down deep inside and locate that inner strength you thought was gone. It’s still there, and it will answer your call. Now take a deep breath. You need one. You’ve just accomplished the first step to freedom.

“For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe.” ~Larry Eisenberg

Now, give yourself permission to not be all things to everyone else. This is your time to heal. Meet your commitments, but your main focus now is you.

4. Clarify the source of your depression. Is it a problem on the outside, or is something going on within yourself? If it’s on the outside, do what you can to resolve it and then let it go. You don’t have a magic wand. If the source is on the inside, ask your Higher Self to reveal what you need to work on.

5. Use denials and affirmations. Example: I deny that this problem has any power over me. I affirm my ability to rise above any obstacle in my life and find the freedom I desire.

6. If you feel like crying, ranting, raving, swearing, etc, don’t hold it back. It will just keep popping up. However, don’t let it control you. Allot a certain amount of time for this kind of an outlet. 30mins, 1hour, 2hours, whatever you decide. Then when the time is up, cut it off. Do this again as needed. You’ll find this need will diminish.

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7. Make a deliberate effort to use props and beauty to raise your mood. Music, walking outside, exercise, watch a sunrise, eat an ice cream cone, create belly laughs (I know you don’t feel like it, but do it anyway) whatever it takes.

“Give light, then the darkness will disappear of itself.”  ~Desiderius Erasmus

8. This is one of the most important things you can do to help yourself. Find ways to help someone else. Not because you feel obligated, but because you want to. Give and get hugs. You need them too. Give and accept all the love you can. Love is the greatest healer.

“Be not afraid of changing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.”  ~Chinese Proverb

The journey back up is not easy. It takes time, and you may have to start over numerous times. But never ever give up. The will to live will always push you forward and give you the strength you need. You are meant to soar like an eagle. Accept help when it comes, but you have to flap your own wings.

I wish you joy in your heart and a smile on your face. You can make it.


Marilyn Fowler, Author, and Writer of  
 “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

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The Depression Pit: Part 1. “There Is Hope and Help From Depression.”

The Depression Pit: Part 1. “There Is Hope and Help From Depression.”

Ten years ago as I watched the miners in Chile being rescued from underground, I couldn’t help thinking about other kinds of dark pits that we humans experience–the kind we can’t see or touch, but just as frightening–a place called depression. It seems as I have read from others it is like being lost in a black abyss with no way out.

I am also sure there are times when everyone feels a degree of depression. It’s part of our human experience. But some feel it down to a desperate place of soul suffering. Just as no one can fully understand the pain those miners went through, no one can fully understand the pain of depression unless they’ve been there, ‘been through it’ so to speak. But the darkness, fear, and despair can be equally painful. And being in a dark pit seems like an appropriate analogy.

 “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” ~John Wooden

As long as we’re in the human condition, we’re exposed to painful experiences–some on the outside, some on the inside, and some in both. But with depression, no matter the source of the pain, it seems to hurt everywhere. It can actually immobilize us to a state of inertia where it feels like a permanent condition from which there is no escape.

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“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”  ~Helen Keller

But just as those brave miners escaped, there is hope for those who know the prison of depression. There is in each of us a will to live. It’s our greatest gift–the key to freedom. We can use it if we search and find it. One step is one step closer to abundant life, and the first step could be the intention.

“A good intention clothes itself in power.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

In part two, I’ll talk about some steps we can take to crawl out of the dark pit. There is a way out, even if we can’t see it when we’re at the bottom. The light is there.

Peace be with you ’til we meet again.

Marilyn Fowler, Writer/Author of   “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

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Have You Discovered Your Life Purpose? And Are You Living It Now?

Have You Discovered Your Life Purpose? And Are You Living It Now?

Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.”  ~John F. Kennedy

Most of us get a job, work hard, pay bills, solve problems, have some fun with family and friends, participate in spiritual activities, and keep our lives moving. But if you’re one of those, do you ever get a feeling maybe there’s something more, something you’re missing in your life? That feeling is a part of you inside that reaches out to your conscious awareness with a message you might want or need to know. There’s more to you than what you’ve seen so far.

“Your life has purpose. Your story is important. Your dreams count. Your voice matters. You were born to make an impact.”  ~Unknown

Each of us is born with a special purpose for our life, and something inside longs to express who we are and our reason for being here. But we seldom think consciously about such things. We know that life is a mixture of positive and negative experiences, and we prefer the positive. But how often do we actually think about our own role in helping to create a happier world? In thousands of ways our world needs help, but do you ever contemplate ways in which you might express something beneficial to others in your own special way? Hmm… What would you express? Think about it.

“The things that excite you are not random. They are connected to your purpose in life. Follow them.”  ~Unknown

We’re all endowed with talents, or gifts, things we enjoy and do well that are connected to our life purpose. And we bring these talents with us into our life to fulfill our purpose. But we don’t always recognize them as blessings that give our life meaning. And sometimes we take our talents for granted and minimize their value with an attitude that says, “Oh, that’s nothing. Anybody can do that.” But no two people can do anything exactly alike because what each person does is very special and cannot be duplicated.

Some of us express our talents in seemingly small, insignificant ways…smiles and hugs help heal a broken heart, being a good listener validates others, repairing children’s bikes brings them pleasure, etc. With others, talents can be reflected in one’s type of work…teachers, physical therapists, nurses, etc. Millions of talents, all equal in importance, all blessing someone in some way. How vital each person is in our world. And most don’t realize that the good they do is an expression of their life purpose.

“The meaning of your life is to find your gift. The purpose of your life is to give it away.”   ~Pablo Picasso

We discover our talents in different ways at different times in our life. And sometimes they’re even discovered through a painful experience. I once had a patient who suffered a back injury and felt his life was useless. He knew nothing of talents and life purpose. But he loved nature, and one day he discovered he could lay on the ground propped up on one side and grow a garden with one hand. Then his mood changed to happiness as he fulfilled his life purpose making others happy supplying beautiful flowers to hospitals and anyone who wanted a bouquet…including me.

“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.”   ~Bishop T. D. Jakes

You may not know your purpose in life, and when you ask yourself why you’re here, you may have no answers. But if you know your talent and bring it to its rightful importance, you’ll see the connection. Then use it and claim your own happiness fulfilling your purpose.

If you don’t know your talent, start noticing something you really enjoy doing, and you do it well. It could be your work, a hobby, a pastime, etc. Listen to the voice inside that says, “There. That’s it. That’s why you’re here.” And move through your life fulfilling your purpose with a happy heart.

I wish you happiness as you discover your self.

Marilyn Fowler, Writer/Author of  “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

 

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Part Two – Are You Living Images And Roles You Were Given As A Child? Where Is Your True Self?

Your essence is within you. You are already enough.”  ~Debbie Spellman

For the most part, each day we automatically live our life without thinking past our usual activities. But we’re complex beings, and our role, image, and personality are so ingrained from childhood, we don’t usually question our identity. Personality becomes our ‘I am’ and, for many, that satisfies a need to know. But it doesn’t even touch the great dimensions of all that you are. Self-knowledge is one of our greatest tools to discover and uncover our true self and use this self for good. The more you know about yourself, the better you’re able to choose what to keep and what to release to promote what you want your life to be.

We express from personality and from our true self, and the two are quite different. Personality is changeable and can have different opinions about itself. One day you’re a very bright person, and the next day you’re pretty stupid. Or decisions you make via personality can backfire and reveal parts of you that you’d rather not have. But there’s nothing wrong with expressing from personality. You can learn a lot about yourself from this source of expression.

People apply different meanings to the true self, such as authentic, true nature, deeper or higher self, the core of your being, soul, etc. But it is considered the real you, as you were created. And the essence of you cannot be something different. You are you, and you will always be you.

Somewhere tucked away inside each of us is a memory, memory of the self that existed during childhood before we fully assumed a role, an image, a personality. And part of us longs to recapture that time of innocence when we knew our true self well. With purposeful steps toward change, we can dim some of the personality’s hold on us, and know more of our true self.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”  ~E. E. Cummings

Intentions are one of our most powerful tools for change. And when it stems from the good in your heart, it will bring good into your life. Use intention with desire, willingness, commitment, and faith to change. Reinforce these qualities each day, and with your deep feelings to move forward, your courage will be there. No need to hurry. Change comes gradually over time.

Once you establish your decision for change, you need to begin listening. How often do you listen to how your personality thinks and notice what it does? What do you feel is positive and negative about it? What does it tell you about yourself, and do you agree with it? We’re taught to believe that personality is who we are. But do you ever sense that you’re more than this belief? Pay attention, and learn to recognize this part of you.

“Intuition is the voice of the soul. The more you listen, the more you know your true self.”   ~James Van Praagh

Clarify your meaning of true self, who and what you are within, and listen to it speak to you. Our true self-speaks to us often, but with our busy minds, we miss a lot of its messages. It’s uplifting, and will always guide us with love and wisdom. But we have to hear it. Seek ways to communicate with and express your true self. Play like a child, show kindness to others, claim your own worth.

The goal of this change is not to erase personality, but to release the traits you don’t want, and allow it to compliment your true self as the two can work together for your good. As days pass and you increase your knowledge and understanding, you’ll learn to tell if something is coming from personality or your true self. And you will gradually learn to decrease more of personality and increase more of your true self.

This is a vast subject, and mounds of material have been written in detail about who you are, and how to discover and nurture more of you. You’re on a journey of self-discovery. Read, research, express gratitude, and be your beautiful self.

I wish you joy as you blossom into more of who you really are.

Marilyn Fowler, Writer/Author of   “Silent Echoes” and Me and Granmama in the Hill Country Available Amazon online…

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